no confession to start-2011 Big Changes, A WATERSHED YEAR!

     During the very mean year of 2011, I was in a very panicky financial situation.  I was diagnosed with cancer.  I loved working at the good and steady At a downtown law firm in Chicago on Madison St.  But no firm is perfect, and I was underpaid for what a senior personal injury paralegal should be making.  My boss would later explain in a very accurate way about how the personal injury law business was going through very thorough changes in how business was down post-recession of 2008-09.   I had a terrible time making ends meet.  I had cancer.  I had a declining car.  I was spending over $1,000 to keep the wheels spinning on it.  My ex-wife left the condo I lived with her in since 1994.  She had the opportunity to live in her father's house as he had just died,  and understandably took it.  Yet, we certainly weren't husband and wife material especially for other health reasons.
     So, I had the condo all to myself.  I paid the $+800 per month mortgage and association dues.  I lived on a $30/week grocery bill.  I had a new wonderful, helpful, reassuring girlfriend who soothed a majority of the concerns that burned through my psyche. More compelling than that, my second son decided not to live with his mother as Andy & Bri, but Ted chose to live with me   He later explained to my dear Patricia that he didn't want the drama of my ex's boyfriend, Sal, living under the same roof as he. He thought that my condo would provide a quiet, calm stability along with Pat (Patricia). 

     Stability wasn't easy to come by.  Yes, there was the job to wake up to every weekday morning.  There was the respect of leading 6 Millennial-early-twentysomething law students learn more about pretrial tasks and projects necessary to do before settling a case or trying the case. 

I loved teaching them tasks that gave them practical experience.  That period of time at Goldstein, Bender & Romanoff represented the peak of my career as a paralegal, because I was a manager/educator as well as a paralegal.....if only it had lasted longer........ There were the 40-60 cases that I was responsible for and scraping for all the necessary discovery to settle these cases.  But that spring, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  I was going to appointments and Westmont Prostate Cancer Center was hounding me for every bill not paid within 30 days.  Firestone was owed far more money than they.  When their damn bill collectors called me, I just loved to let the phrase, "I got cancer!!!!"  roll off my lips.  They are prepared to handle a lot of retorts from people owing them money, but no one quite prepared them enough for that one, evidently!
The year ground on in unrelenting, unforgiving ways towards the Christmas season of 2011.
Oh, there were highlights.  Ted played a major role in winning his community football team's Super Bowl.  That was a picture I proudly emblazoned on my blog, Ted holding the big community Football Trophy for the Super Bowl winner in a league that was growing noticeably each year in popularity.
My father died in September, 2011. He suffered from years and years of Alzheimer's.  I thank God that he didn't suffer a decade of Alzheimer's as many patients in the US do.  Dad is in a better place. My ex was helpful during this time.  She, her car, all our kids & I  scrounged up enough gas money to make the trip to Wisconsin.
    I, too, had to desperately look for other sources of income besides Goldstein, Bender & Romanoff.  I went to CSL which provided about $300 a month when I spilled my blood into their machine and gave them my plasma.  Plasma is used in numerous ways through hospitals.  Now, YOU KNOW how important it is in a pandemic.  

This is a business between the donation centers and hospitals, medical facilities that employs thousands and thousands of people throughout the US and is worth millions and millions of dollars in commerce!
I took a job as an Andy Frain usher for Thanksgiving.  Damn, I needed every extra dollar I could find to make ends meet!!!!
The paralegal job didn't cover the damn bills! 

It was set. 

     I was scheduled to go to the WalMart at Country Club Hills on Thanksgiving afternoon.  I was not to allow people to run into the store and loot cheap TVs and other electronics from the store.  The Thanksgiving was the shittiest, meagerist of Thanksgivings I ever experienced.  The focus of any Thanksgiving is the meal, not the football game (sorry Cowboy fans, but it's true!).  I grabbed a turkey sanwich, a thimble of dressing and headed out the door.  I didn't make much money as an Andy Frain usher but it paid for a phone bill, grocery bill and maybe even the damn formidable Firestone bill that month.  Then, while I was working my shift that was from 3pm-3am Thanksgiving pm to Friday morning, my mother died.  Like my father, God came to provide a timely, comforting death to a woman who knew so much about piety, hard work and virtue.  He did the same for my father two months prior, and now it was her turn.  

     I was very much struck by the role I played after my parents died compared to the role I played when my ex's father died in May, 2011.  Dying at the age of 83, Paul left my ex, Maribeth, Mari's only sister, her boyfriend, Mari and I went to the bank to take care of the business of settling the estate.  We spent hours going through the possessions of Paul and we peacefully, calmly and maturely distributed what he once owned. To both family's credit - the DeMars and the Schaufs- there was no fighting about how possessions and assets were distributed.  There was one moment of drama which I will explain in a couple paragraphs. 

    So, I was working and played a role in helping distribute the assets of Paul and Betty's estate.  After my parents died, my older siblings whipped into action with nary a thought about how the lowly 6th child and 4th son would do.  But, good for them; it was necessary to have me help, too. They had an assembly line process of addressing and answering the funeral cards and money inside them in the afternoon after the funeral dinner.  What was I supposed to do? During the coming months, it was to follow directions that were given by the executors of the estate - Jerome & Kathi.  They made an outstanding team and did an exemplary job of distributing and taking care of the assets that were given to members of the family. 

There was one big moment of drama for me personally and very few people know about regarding the aftermath of my ex's father's death.  I had the task of sorting through a spare room full of papers.  This spare room wasn't a bedroom but was used by Paul to conduct business that occurred moreso when he was the CFO of Queen Anne's Candy Co.  I found a series of documents from 1993 that caused me a lot of pain and when I left my late father's house I cried and cried. 

  There was only two moments of drama with my parents estate that I know of.  One was a misunderstanding with Bill about money owed.  The other was that a few of us were surprised that our parents' land made an entry into eBay.  But it all worked out to the best, much to the credit of my family. 

    To understand the painful drama of 2011 while I helped w/ Mari's father's estate we have to go back to 1993.  1993 is a year I considered my favorite year.  By coming together with Maribeth, I enjoyed the greatest week of my life.  I was married, helped bring 2 fun-loving families and sets of friends together, then went on a beautiful honeymoon.  At the age of 30, I flew in a jet (an American TransAir) for the first time in my life.  It's something I didn't get to do as a farmer's son before that. The marriage got off to a very good start.  Maribeth decided to join a restaurant club where we would check out certain Chicago-area restaurants for a reduced price.  We had the wedding in July, because it was right in the middle of my June birthday and Mari's August birthday.  While we were at one of those fine restaurants that Maribeth picked for her birthday, she told me how much she enjoyed being out from under her dad's control.  Our humble apartment in Summit was only the 2nd place Maribeth lived, and she often enjoyed it.  We had fights, but we were definitely in love!!  

     But there was one cloud that bothered both of us, and I vaguely understood at the time that Maribeth and her Dad were handling it.  Maribeth had a childhood/high school friend who was in financial trouble while she lived in California. She was having problems with her either boyfriend or husband breakup.  As I was cleaning the office room, I read through the papers that showed just how much Maribeth sent her friend.  To my chagrin, it was a lot of money.  First, I was stunned.  Then I was hurt; then, I staggered out of the house that she now owned in tears. 

    How could she just dump a bunch of money to her friend?  The problem was that I learned of this in the summer of 2011.  8 years before, Maribeth and I filed bankruptcy in federal court.  I kicked myself for all the times I spent money but shouldn't have.  The money my parents were forced to pay in 2003 as a result of an RC Bank loan due to my fuck up in the bankruptcy is still a very sore spot for me, and an incident that causes great shame and chagrin.  The next year, Maribeth filed successfully for divorce.  Just as 1993 was the greatest year of my life, 2002-2003 was the darkest, most painful time of my life.  I felt like such a failure as a divorced husband and a father apart from my 3 kids. As my mother wisely observed, "I didn't know if you would make it."  Because, yes, I wanted to kill myself a number of times during 2003. But, not since!!!

    This brings us back to 2011 when I discovered just how much money Maribeth gave her friend, I knew I couldn't confront and scream at Maribeth at my discovery.  All I could do was hurt.  I drove to a place that took me away from everything, a nearby train station.  I talked to a man who I knew was wise enough to help me reconcile this hard-to-understand situation. 

   I called my brother, Jerome.  Jerome was divorced before I was in our family. It's something that I am forever grateful for, because even tho he handled his divorce FIRST, it was hell explaining to my parents and one member of my family the divorce.  

   "Why would she give her friend so much money, Jerome, WHY??!!!??!!!????!?  Do you realize the only time we made ends meet were the first 4 years of the marriage? In 4 short years we were in the same shitty shape as her friend.  We could have used that money, damnit!!!!! Once Ted was born, our finances were all downhill!!!" I demanded to know from Jerome.  

   "God blessed her for what Maribeth did for her friend!  You need to realize when you do something as large and as kind as Maribeth did for her friend, that God will reward that kindness repeatedly afterwards," Jerome replied.  In less, than one minute, Jerome's wisdom solved the mess of crying and bitterness I felt. Jerome isn't Mari's favorite inlaw, but she ought to commend him for the wisdom and healing he provided that afternoon! 

     I realized that obviously a big reason we went bankrupt was that I was sometimes underpaid as a paralegal.  At the same time, Maribeth earned a good wage first as a part-time nurse and then as a full-time nurse once our daughter, Bri, was born.  No, it obviously wasn't all Maribeth's fault, and I knew it all along, especially when the credit card problems (and all the interest we were supposed to pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  snowballed starting in 2000, and I fell into my 2nd depression. 

    So, in the summer of 2011, it was settled.  Maribeth, Andy, Bri and Sal-the-Handyman lived in the house once owned by her parents.  Ted and I lived in the condo in 2011. This was a condo Mari & I bought in 1994, and a condo I still own and live in.  Pat joined us in  as my relationship with her grew to mature, loving, stable heights. The time that Ted, Pat & I spent from 2011-2015 were times that I will never ever forget. As I discussed it with Ted and Pat just this night, it's a 4 year period I always treasure. I did the math.  It ends up that I lived with Ted as a father more than I did with any of my other 2 kids.  He beat Andy by 1 year, and lived with me nearly twice as long as Bri lived with me. 

    I spent the rest of 2011, feverishly working at the law firm, being an assistant coach to Ted's community football team, giving plasma for $300 a month, and saving money by spending $30some each week for groceries and spending about $45 on electricity for the condo during the spring and fall and about twice or thrice that in the winter.  But we still weren't making ends meet.  Christmas of 2011 was the worst Christmas I experienced.  Usually, Mom & Dad gave us over $100 in early December, and we used that money judiciously to make Christmas a good one for our kids in years past. I don't know how we did it, but thank God (sincerely!!!) that we did. 

There was one other thing I did in 2011, and this is the unifying theme for this whole story and this blog which is one of a few blogs I have out in cyberspace.  Google has an arrangement known as AdSense where when readers click onto the ads in this blog (they told me they would put ads in this blog.......do you see any????).  After I get 100 clicks, Google back less than a decade ago gave me $100.  My blog was pretty active.  I had the pleasure of establishing a very renowned writer, super Christian woman named Amel who has been my blogging buddy and does a much better job using blogs (and she published a book too!) for a source of income.  

I'm going to try and do that again.  The first part of the blog after this post will be about a fictional story I have been developing.  It's about a driver's education teacher.  I was one last summer, but wasn't provided enough hours to pay all my bills. I left that job.

Read the blog, enjoy the blog, make comments and critique if you wish.  Your POVs might be used!  I can't guarantee it, but viewpoints I received from readers in the past influenced me.